i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
