i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
