and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
