Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
