so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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