I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
