She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
