I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
