the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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