Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
