Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
