You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
