I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
