The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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