Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
