I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
