Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
