Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
