i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
