Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
