We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
