i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
