Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
