he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
