don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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