I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
