It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
did i just pee glitter
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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