he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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