see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
