You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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