I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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