The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
