even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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