So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
