What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
