my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
