I wannas sexs uuuuu
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
