I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
