How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
