If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
