I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
