Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
