i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
