sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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