Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
