Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
