We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
