yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The struggles of a small town man whore
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
