so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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