and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
